Crawl.

A lot has happened since my last post. Life has been flipped upside down for me and my family. My wonderful stepdad Joseph took his life on April 19th. He lived most of his life on the streets with an addiction to drugs and alcohol. He came to Christ, learned to read, and had a wonderful ability for computers. He was clean and sober for three years. Joseph married my mom on March 15th 2007, and was a complete joy to have in our family. Joseph made my mom so happy, and in turn, that made me very happy as well. He and I were good buddies, and I was so proud to have him as my stepdad. After being told he had Hepatitis C he began taking Interferon and it triggered something in his mind. He began drinking alcohol again, and tried to get through the struggles. But the addiction was too much, and he did this. I know for a fact that he is in Heaven, free of addiction and free of any pain. I am comforted by this fact, but my mom and my family and I miss him terribly. We believe that Joseph couldn't go through the struggles of this addiction. He was such a wonderful, sweet, funny, and loving person. Even though I was not his child, he treated me as such. My friends looked up to him, loved him, and thought of him as a mentor in their lives. At his memorial, my grandpa's little church was packed full to the gills of people. He was so loved, and still will always be so loved.

I sometimes wish I could have said something, done something to show him how much I loved him. If I had a time machine, I would go back and savor each memory. I sometimes wonder how long it will take for the pain to subside. But the hard part about it is, I know it won't ever go away. I know we won't get over this, but we'll get through this. It's so hard to not have Joseph in our lives, but we are reassured that one day, we will see him again. I can already see him bouncing towards us with a big grin, so excited and happy to show us everything in Heaven that God has for us. I wish and pray everyday that the trumpets would sound and that the sky would part, because I really wanna just go home with Jesus. Our world is a terrible place. God never intended for us to go through this pain of death. He never wanted us to have to suffer the pain we feel when we lose a loved one.